Once in a while, there'll be a day like today where suddenly i was forced by myself to remember things im trying to forget.

I hate myself. Seriously. 

Kenapa macam ni lagi.

I thought u're doing fine hana dalila.

Kalau lah lari tu semudah ejaan dia. 

Of Minibon, hot chocolate drink, endodontic handouts, and lagu jiwang leleh. 

Keperluan mulut, telinga, hidung dan mata dipenuhi. 

Perfect.

Now study.

P/s: it has been a while since i last step my foot in this place. Rindu

Will not ever become an Orthodontist !

I'm having my first Orthodontic quiz this morning and here i am , talking to the keyboard.
haih.
Something can be seem soo interesting on the outside but when you dig further inside, it is nothing more than babbling words and texts that you can hardly understand !
It is more interesting to think and reflect what happened in my life these few days rather than revising my photocopied notes, a.k.a TERMENUNG.
Mana entah janji nak belajar bersungguh sungguh sem ni. Baru masuk minggu keempat dah lembik.
hish.

Hana, mana COMEBACK kau tu haa.
lembik srupo tulo jah.
hahaha

oh gosh.
I miss my sweet lazy time in Malaysia.
Pray for me, stalker.

when you want something you can't have.

Every time I look at you,
I sigh quietly.
I wish you know how much i miss you.
I do, I really do.
I really want to talk to you.
To have you as before.
As a friend, atleast.
Tapi hati belum cukup kuat.
I'm afraid that I might fall for you again.
Not that the feeling ever go away anyway.

Every time i told myself,
Aku okay. Perasaan tu dah tak ada.
Whenever you appear in front of me I know its not true.
But I'll never expect you to feel the same.
I just don't know what to do with myself.

Alhamdulillah, atleast I'm not grieving hoping for you to come back like i used to.
I know the fact that you'll never come back, ever.
And I accepted that.
I will never stop you from moving on.
I just want you to be happy.
To be fine, and success dunia akhirat.

I wish I can be beside you through your ups and downs.
To cheers for your joy, to grieve for your tears.
But the spot aren't for me anymore kan?
I wish you know I'm here. Always.
In case if you ever need me.

The truth is, no matter how I told people and myself too that I want to be away from you
I know that is not what I really want.
Maybe that is what I need, not what I want.
Not having you by my side, I can cope with that
The thought of not being able to see you again, scares me..a lot.

Haha. Kelakar. Ego tinggi.
Konon rasa diri batu.
Padahal telur je.
Luar keras, dalam lembik.