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Wednesday, 24 January 2018

You came into my life.
Became a big part of my life.
We messed up, as young humans.
We went separate ways.
But keep coming back to one another again, and again.

This relationship, that I once thought was really childish.
The one I thought afterall it will be just a wonderful memories.
Like,ooh its fun to look back and laugh at it.
But it turns out to be the one that makes me cry all my heart out by just thinking about it.

Shit.
I hate this kind of feeling.
I was doing just fine.
I was taking care of my dramatic life on my own
and i was just accepting life without you just finee.
I was fine when we went separate ways 8 years ago.
I was fine too 3 years ago when you said
 ' so kita.. kira habis. minta maaf...'
I still remember how it feel when even my voice stuck in my throat when I said
 'It's okay.. it was maybe just a moment and a chance for us to end us nicely. i understand'.
That was it. It was the end.


I hate you for keep coming back saying I'm the most important person in your life,
do nothing about it and then just get away with it.
Don't you know you have to be responsible for every word and action you take.

Ingat aku apa. Besi? Kayu? Plastic?
Bodoh. Bangang. Semua yang start huruf b, untuk kau.
I never hate you. Now, I do.
I hate that you lied to me.
I thought you can never lie to me,
and finally you did for the first time.
and it was the biggest lie ever.
I hate you for being selfish.
I hate that you make stupid decisions and mistakes again and again.
I hate you for being coward.
Coward.
I hate that you couldn't even have a stand for yourself,
and now you involve me too.
I hate that you can't make up your mind, and messing with mine too.
I hate that I suddenly question about my current life when I thought its fine to just go with it and true happiness will come along later.
I hate that even then, I still have that tiny hope that you will finally choose me over anything else.
I hate that, me 'miss know it all' knows nothing now.



Babi back at you.



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